BTW

Just by the way, I kinda hate you... but I still kinda love you too... this is a problem. And I'm sick of it!

Need a vacation!

I need a vacation so so so bad! I just want to go somewhere for a few days and do something fun! I think that is one of the most frustrating parts of my current situation, I just really really wish that I had someone I could rely on to do things with me, someone that I could just say hey let's go somewhere, and they would actually do it. Some of the places that I would love to take roadtrip too for a few days....

Disneyland!!! I have only been to disney land once, and I was pretty young, so I don't remember it extremely well, and I would love to have a great group of friends (or a special someone) to go with!

A Cruise!!! I have always wanted to go on a cruise, but I have never had the opportunity, it is a great way to have a fun fairly cheap vacation, I don't even care where we go, I just want to go and swim, eat, and play! Anyone wanna go?!?!

Yellowstone!!! I love yellowstone, I have been there a bunch of times, but I really enjoy it, and I think that it could be a really fun roadtrip with some friends!

Vegas!!! I have only been here once as well, and it was only for a few hours, but I think this would be a fun trip for just a few days, or for on the way to Cali!

Pretty much anywhere that I have the opportunity!!! I just really really need a vacation, as of right now I am not going to have any sort of vacation this summer at all, this is the time of my life that I should be traveling and having fun experiencing new things, but I have no one to do them with so I don't get to, and I just hate it! :(

So if anyone is interested in going on a trip let me know! I need something to do!!! I really need some time off.

Wishing....

Constantly and continually wishing...

I am wishing that I could change things, change the past, change the present, and change the future.

I know that everything in my life is part of a plan, the plan that Heavenly Father has for me, and hopefully someday I will understand all of it.

Crazy Life!

Life has been kinda crazy the last couple of weeks, both good and bad.

Hawaiian Dinner!!! My great friend Brittney decided to do a themed Hawaiian dinner a couple of weeks ago, it was so fun! I had to find a date for this dinner (everyone was either engaged or married), so my friend Kyle cam with me, we had a lot of fun! I really enjoyed the night.

Last Wednesday I got to go to Denver on a roadtrip with some friends! We went to see the Red Sox vs. Rockies game. The trip was fun , and I am glad I went :) Although there were some parts that were not so fun, my friends can just be mean sometimes, and it makes me very sad. For anyone who knows me well, they know that I like to have things planned out, and it is hard for me to not know when things are happening, or what is going to happen. My friends are not like this, they just go with the flow, which is not a bad thing (ok sometimes it is haha) but it is just not like me. Just for instance both leaving and coming home we were supposed to leave at about 5-6pm and both times we ended up leaving after 8pm! So many of the people I was with just seemed annoyed with me because I was kinda trying to get things done... I gave up :(

But overall it was a good trip, and I am glad that I went. :)

I finally got my phone!!!!!!!! :) I went through a ton of crazy stuff, and spent a lot of time waiting but I finally got it, it is so fun, and I just love it. Some people probably think that I am crazy for spending a lot of money on a phone, but it makes me happy :) And there are not that many things in my life that do that right now... So it was worth it!!!! I LOVE IT!!! haha

Eclipse!!! Last night was so fun! I got to hang out with Brittney, and we designed her invitations (actually she kinda had them designed, I just put it together and added a few things) but it was so fun to just sit and talk and laugh while we did it. Then we went to see the new Twilight movie Eclipse, it was so fun to go with her, we laughed and made fun of some of the movie, and loved other parts, it was just so fun. I don't get to see her all that much anymore, so I miss her!!! Thanks for making time for me Britt! :)

So life is pretty good :) I have been really struggling lately though, I miss friends that love and respect me, I miss just being happy. I just want to find a way to be happy with how things are, and sometimes I do pretty good, and I am happy :) But other days are really difficult....

I am trying to get involved in my new ward, but I just don't feel like I fit, and I just don't like it right now, I haven't given up, and I still feel like it will get better, but it really makes Sundays even harder, which I just don't like.

I am just past all of the hanging out and big group parties and stuff, it is just not that fun anymore, I am tried of the drama created, tired of the hurt feelings, tired of trying to figure out if someone is interested in me, or show them I am interested in them (or not interested haha). I am ready to move on! I just want to settle down and make dinner for a man that I love and cuddle with him at home... but that is not my life right now, so I keep truckin along trying to figure out where I fit in now and what to do with myself. If you have any ideas let me know lol! ;)