Cute little house!!!

So I am thinking about buying a little house! Thinking is the key here because that is probably all it will be for a while unless I find something that is a really great deal. But I do have one that I am going to look at tomorrow, it is not really where I want to live so I don't think it will work, but it sure is cute!

It is fun to dream about a little house that I could buy and make my own fun place! Plus is is just fun to look!

I would love to be able to find a small home for a great deal and probably get a roommate to help me pay for it! We'll see what happens as I keep looking, but it sure is fun to think about :)

Thankful on Thanksgiving! :)

I have so much to be thankful for! Even though my life might not be exactly where I expected or wanted it to be right now, I have more than I could ever ask for.

I got to spend the day with my brother and sister-in-law and her extended family, they were so kind and it was great to have somewhere to go and feel welcomed. There are many really good things that have come from having my parents be gone, even though I miss them a lot. I have learned so many good things about running a house, cooking, cleaning, and everything that comes with being on your own. But also it has given me the chance to become even closer to other people in my life that are there to support and help me. I am closer to my brother and sister-in-law and their great kids, and I am so grateful for that it is something that is important to me, and I really enjoy it.

I even think that it has made me closer to my parents, even though they are gone they are there and supporting me through the phone or email whenever I need them, they are wonderful.

I have learned that it is ok to rely on other people, on my friends and family members. I am just so thankful for all that I have and the lessons I have learned, and I cannot wait to hopefully move on with life soon and enjoy some new experiences and apply these things that I have learned as well as learn some new lessons ;)

Thanks to all of my wonderful friends and family, I love you all!

Things that make me happy! :)

* Great parents who let me yell and vent to them when I need it, even though it is probably not very fun for them to listen too. :)

* Amazing friends who surprise me with kind acts just when I need it the most :)

* Taking beautiful pictures :)

* Driving around in my car blasting music (especially at night when there is no traffic) :)

* Making really yummy food :)

* People who care about me :)

* Hope :)

Another great quote.

I love good quotes that make you think and can say just how you feel better than you are ever able to. :)

This is a quote about a man just after he died, and was meeting up with those in the afterlife...

"But when he saw them he knew that he had always known them and realised what part each one of them had played at many an hour in his life when he had supposed himself alone, so that now he could say to them, one by one, not 'Who are you?' but 'So it was you all the time.'" -- C.S. Lewis

Help On a Hard Day

I have been having a hard time lately, and today my sweet mom sent me this quote. I love it! I just have to remember to have hope for the future, knowing that someday it will all be worth it. :) Even though I do not understand why things are the way that they are, he does, and someday I will too.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
— C.S. Lewis

Is it ever really gonna happen?...

Everyone keeps saying that it is, that someday it will be my turn to be happy (and somewhere deep down I know they are right), but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it will ever be real, joyfulness will always just be something that I dream of...

But sometimes dreams come true right? :)

Trip to Iowa! :)

I had a great time in Iowa this last weekend! I was able to spend time with my parents, meet the triplets, and see my sister, brother-in-law and my 3 year old niece Hannah. It was so good to see all of them! It was great just to be with my parents and see where they live and what they do.

I arrived there on Thursday night (after a couple of pretty rough flights, yuck!) and my parents took me to dinner and then to meet the babies. They are so so cute! It was great to see them and just get to hold and cuddle them. :)

Friday we spent the day taking care of the babies, and playing with them. As well as a fun photo shoot! I got some very cute photos of Max, Luke, and Emma. (I will post some when I get a chance) It was just great to be with them, I am such a baby person! (It even made me a little baby hungry, but not for 3 at once! haha)

Saturday we were able to go to Nauvoo for the day! It is something that I wanted to do, but I wasn't sure that I we would have time. I am so glad that we did, we went there about 10 years ago, but I didn't remember it that much, so it was great to go! Last time we were there the temple was just a foundation, so it was amazing to see that beautiful place rebuilt in all of it's glory. It was wonderful! I wish that we would have had a couple more days there so that we could stop and see everything, but I am so glad that I got to see some of the really good parts.

Sunday I attended the singles branch there, it was fun to go, but kind of odd as well. This was a singles branch for all of The University of Iowa, and there were only about 30 people there. It made me very grateful to have many members around here with whom I share my faith. It was fun to see what it was like there :)

Monday was my last day there, I flew out at about 5:00, so during the day we went to Kalona! This is an Amish community near where my parents live, and it was so fun to go and see that. I love to see the simple way these people live. They are such kind happy people, who work so hard. For some reason the Amish have always kind of fascinated me (and my family too) so it is enjoyable for me to go to there stores and see their cute little farms. Plus you get to see them driving down the road in their little buggies, it is so cute! We also got to go to a couple of woodworking shops, it was so fun! I love woodwork, and it was great to see the amazing work these people do. My parents even surprised me with a beautiful rolling pin that they had made for me. I know that might sound like a strange gift, but I really love cooking and woodworking, so it was perfect for me. I have always wanted a really beautiful wooden rolling pin, I love it! Sadly I couldn't bring it back on the plane, so I will have to wait for it until my parents drive home and bring it to me.

It was a really good trip, and I was sad to go, it is hard to go back to the loneliness when you have been with people that love you. But I was also glad to get home, I really do enjoy living on my own it is very nice.

I love my family so much, and I am so grateful to my aunt and uncle who gave me the plane tickets to go on this trip, I couldn't have done it otherwise. Thanks so much! And thanks to my parents for making it great while I was there, they were so sweet and kind to me, I love them! I had an amazing time!

Things on my mind :)

Someday everything is going to be ok. :) Things will work out the way they are supposed to, and my Heavenly Father is in control. Sometimes I worry so much about trying to make things happen, or make things work, but I often just need to step back and rely on him knowing that he sees the whole picture and he knows what is best and what will make me happy for eternity. I wish that I could get the answers, but I know someday that being patient and trusting will pay off. I have learned and changed so much through the things that I have been through in the last few months, and even though some of them have been really hard I know that they have made me a better person. Although I am sure I still have plenty to learn.

I had a great day yesterday, and I am grateful for days like that, they get me through the ones that are not so good. I hope that the good days will soon outnumber the bad. :)

I am excited for this week, I get to go see my family! I haven't seen my parents in quite a long time, so I am looking forward to spending some time with them and meeting my triplet nephews and niece! :) As well as seeing my sister and brother-in-law, and my other niece.

Perspective

Sometimes life needs to be put into perspective. Last night I was reading the Ensign, and I got to an article about the humanitarian work that the church does, and some of it's special programs. It made me so grateful to live where I do in a developed country where I do not have to worry about the basic needs of life.

I do not have to worry daily about if the water I am drinking is disease and parasite free, I always have food to eat, and I have a clean nice home to live in. Sometimes I forget that some people spend everyday of their lives trying to get just these simple things. They don't work their whole lives to save up for that huge home, or that fancy car, or anything else, they simply work every day to keep their children from starving, or dying from one of many other causes.

I am just so grateful to have the things that I do and to have been born into a wonderful family, in a great country. I have been very blessed. :)

Lake Powell!

This last weekend I got to go to Lake Powell! It was really nice to just get away and spend some time away from work and the troubles of life. I just got to enjoy the sun and water, the second of which I really love and don't get to enjoy nearly enough. This was the first time that I have ever been to Lake Powell, and it is an amazingly beautiful place! I was afraid to take my camera because we were camping on the beach and there was just too much sand, so I don't really have pictures, but just the chance to see the beautiful place that heavenly father created was just awesome! We even got to visit some indian ruins, and hike up to their houses and actually go inside them, it was so interesting, seeing stuff like that is one of my favorite things, it is so interesting to me, so I really enjoyed that part of the trip. I finally got a tan, and a very nice one if I do say so myself, I haven't been this dark in years and it feels great! I am just hoping that I can make it last and not let it fade away completely too soon. And yes I should take some self portraits while I've got it to show it off, we'll see if I find the time and ambition haha.

The trip overall was good, and I am glad that I went. It was about like the denver trip as far as planning and treatment from friends, but this time it was what I was expecting, and I decided to just enjoy and not worry, and I succeeded in that for the most part. :)

I also get to go on another trip in a couple of weeks, I am going to Iowa to visit my parents, sister and brother-in-law, and meet the triplets! I am excited to go and see them and spend some time with my parents, I haven't seen them in about 6 months, and I miss them. I am so grateful for my parents, they are so kind to me. When I call them it is so wonderful to be able to talk to people that like me, and want to hear what I have to say. It is pretty rare anymore that I get to do that, the people that I spend most of mine time with now, don't seem to really like me, they just tolerate my presence, or at least that is how they make me feel. So I am very grateful when I get to talk to my parents and other good friends and feel that they love me and want me to be there or want to hear what I have to say, it is a good feeling!

So thank you to those who make me feel loved and wanted! I hope you know who you are! I love you all :)

I should clarify something...

Just so those of you who read this blog know, it is kinda my venting blog haha!!

Because of my current circumstances I sometimes need someplace to vent lol! So I hope that I don't seem too negative, like I said this is my place to share my feelings a little so that I can be more positive in real life! (at least I hope so anyway ;)

So hopefully all of you will give me a little break if I seem negative, but I try to share the positive and negative stuff. :)

Boating is AMAZING! Weekends sometimes are not...

On Thursday I FINALLY got to go boating!!! First time in about 2 years, and it was amazing!!! So fun, I was worried that I would have to relearn how to get up on the Wakeboard, but I was happy that I popped right up. Not so much with the surfboard though haha, it took me quite a few tries before I could get up, but it was really fun when I did! I hope that I get to try it again :) It was just so fun!!!!

I hope that I get to do more of it next week if I end up going to Lake Powell. That is if my friends ever give me any details... I am not sure if they just forget to tell me, if they just don't have anything planned haha, or if they don't want me to go... but I learned during the Denver trip that they don't like me to try and help make decisions, so I am just waiting to hear, we'll see if I get to go! I hope so, and I hope it is fun! :) I really really need someone that I can rely on though, I am kinda tired of this!

This weekend was not very amazing... unlike boating! :) Another blind date to add to my many many stories.. and a boring night at home. Although I did rent Last Song tonight, cute movie :)

Hopefully I will be at Powell next week!

Lovin the weather!

One of my favorite things ever is opening all the windows in the house right after it rains!!! Beautiful nice clean air that is cool and refreshing and fills my home! Love it!

My week...

This week started out great!

I had a great weekend starting out with a fun date with a fun guy on Friday, we went to dinner and then to the Weber County fair, we mostly just people watched, saw the ATV rodeo (very redneck, but fun haha :), and made a little fun of some of the crazy people. Then Caleb taught me to drive his sweet car! I don't really know how to drive a stick so he decided to teach me. It was a really awesome 1970's Mini Cooper (like one of the real ones from England) I freaking love Mini Coopers, so it was really exciting for me. I did a pretty good job too ;)

Then on Saturday there was a BBQ for all of my friends, even the married ones! I miss my married friends, and unlike some of my single friends I really still like hanging out with them, I just don't get to do it as often anymore. So it was great to see them and spend some time just laughing and talking. I love you guys!

After the BBQ some of us went and watched some UFC fights in our friends backyard, the whole time I was thinking "Why am I here? I hate watching people fight, this is not fun!" But it was fun to spend some time with the friends and do some thing different.

On Sunday there was church, it was a good day there, sometimes I have a hard time with my current ward because it seems like I am there forever, but this time the lessons were great and the day went by quick, which is good because I was of course alone (that part sucks) but it was still good. :)

Then we did the usual group hangout that night, and get this... we actually DIDN'T play volleyball or pingpong, I was amazed! That is all we ever do, and I am so sick of it haha! We played Scum instead, so it was great to laugh and do something different!

The rest of the week has not been so good, it has just been weird and frustrating. Work is good, just the same as always, some fun, some drama haha. Tuesday was kinda a rough day for me, but actually not as rough as I expected it might be. A certain someone got married that day, and knowing that I am not any closer to that than I was the day that we broke up made it hard. But I actually thought about it a lot less than I thought I would, and found that I have pretty much moved on, that feels good! :)

Moving on is very frustrating though! I am so sick of first dates! They are just awkward, and annoying, and not fun! I go on a lot of blind dates, and a lot of first dates, and it seems like it is hard to find someone that things "click" with... and then when I feel that way he doesn't seem to feel the same. Things are just never mutual, and I am sick of it!

I have really enjoyed the last couple of dates I went on, but this guy is one of those that I just can't "read" I can't tell wether he is interested or not, and I just don't know how to figure it out. I guess I just need to be patient and let things play out the way they are supposed to, but I want to know so that I don't have to go on anymore first dates lol!

But it is nice to have people to meet and things to do, I am grateful for that, and I hope that sometime soon all of this will be something that I can just look back on and be grateful it is over (all while cuddling with my sweetheart ;) I know that it is going to happen, but I am frustrated with it right now, I want to be done! :)

Anywho, that has been my fun, weird, frustrating week so far, and I just hope that things get better and better!

I'm so happy for you!

My very best friend got married last week!

I am so very happy for you Brittney and Zack, and so glad that you have found each other! It was so fun to go to her wedding and see the joy that was evident in both of them! I wish that I could have seen the actual marriage, that would have been great, but I was able to see them as they left the temple, it was just amazing to see that much happiness. :)

I miss Brittney a ton, and wish that I didn't have to do things alone, but seeing her that happy and knowing that she has found someone to spend eternity with makes it worth it!

Brittney and Zack are amazing friends who will have an amazing life together and I am so glad that I was able to share in their joy on that day and many to come!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! :)

BTW

Just by the way, I kinda hate you... but I still kinda love you too... this is a problem. And I'm sick of it!

Need a vacation!

I need a vacation so so so bad! I just want to go somewhere for a few days and do something fun! I think that is one of the most frustrating parts of my current situation, I just really really wish that I had someone I could rely on to do things with me, someone that I could just say hey let's go somewhere, and they would actually do it. Some of the places that I would love to take roadtrip too for a few days....

Disneyland!!! I have only been to disney land once, and I was pretty young, so I don't remember it extremely well, and I would love to have a great group of friends (or a special someone) to go with!

A Cruise!!! I have always wanted to go on a cruise, but I have never had the opportunity, it is a great way to have a fun fairly cheap vacation, I don't even care where we go, I just want to go and swim, eat, and play! Anyone wanna go?!?!

Yellowstone!!! I love yellowstone, I have been there a bunch of times, but I really enjoy it, and I think that it could be a really fun roadtrip with some friends!

Vegas!!! I have only been here once as well, and it was only for a few hours, but I think this would be a fun trip for just a few days, or for on the way to Cali!

Pretty much anywhere that I have the opportunity!!! I just really really need a vacation, as of right now I am not going to have any sort of vacation this summer at all, this is the time of my life that I should be traveling and having fun experiencing new things, but I have no one to do them with so I don't get to, and I just hate it! :(

So if anyone is interested in going on a trip let me know! I need something to do!!! I really need some time off.

Wishing....

Constantly and continually wishing...

I am wishing that I could change things, change the past, change the present, and change the future.

I know that everything in my life is part of a plan, the plan that Heavenly Father has for me, and hopefully someday I will understand all of it.

Crazy Life!

Life has been kinda crazy the last couple of weeks, both good and bad.

Hawaiian Dinner!!! My great friend Brittney decided to do a themed Hawaiian dinner a couple of weeks ago, it was so fun! I had to find a date for this dinner (everyone was either engaged or married), so my friend Kyle cam with me, we had a lot of fun! I really enjoyed the night.

Last Wednesday I got to go to Denver on a roadtrip with some friends! We went to see the Red Sox vs. Rockies game. The trip was fun , and I am glad I went :) Although there were some parts that were not so fun, my friends can just be mean sometimes, and it makes me very sad. For anyone who knows me well, they know that I like to have things planned out, and it is hard for me to not know when things are happening, or what is going to happen. My friends are not like this, they just go with the flow, which is not a bad thing (ok sometimes it is haha) but it is just not like me. Just for instance both leaving and coming home we were supposed to leave at about 5-6pm and both times we ended up leaving after 8pm! So many of the people I was with just seemed annoyed with me because I was kinda trying to get things done... I gave up :(

But overall it was a good trip, and I am glad that I went. :)

I finally got my phone!!!!!!!! :) I went through a ton of crazy stuff, and spent a lot of time waiting but I finally got it, it is so fun, and I just love it. Some people probably think that I am crazy for spending a lot of money on a phone, but it makes me happy :) And there are not that many things in my life that do that right now... So it was worth it!!!! I LOVE IT!!! haha

Eclipse!!! Last night was so fun! I got to hang out with Brittney, and we designed her invitations (actually she kinda had them designed, I just put it together and added a few things) but it was so fun to just sit and talk and laugh while we did it. Then we went to see the new Twilight movie Eclipse, it was so fun to go with her, we laughed and made fun of some of the movie, and loved other parts, it was just so fun. I don't get to see her all that much anymore, so I miss her!!! Thanks for making time for me Britt! :)

So life is pretty good :) I have been really struggling lately though, I miss friends that love and respect me, I miss just being happy. I just want to find a way to be happy with how things are, and sometimes I do pretty good, and I am happy :) But other days are really difficult....

I am trying to get involved in my new ward, but I just don't feel like I fit, and I just don't like it right now, I haven't given up, and I still feel like it will get better, but it really makes Sundays even harder, which I just don't like.

I am just past all of the hanging out and big group parties and stuff, it is just not that fun anymore, I am tried of the drama created, tired of the hurt feelings, tired of trying to figure out if someone is interested in me, or show them I am interested in them (or not interested haha). I am ready to move on! I just want to settle down and make dinner for a man that I love and cuddle with him at home... but that is not my life right now, so I keep truckin along trying to figure out where I fit in now and what to do with myself. If you have any ideas let me know lol! ;)

So Excited!

On Monday, Apple announced my newest toy! I have had my current iPhone for about 3 years, and I have really been wanting to upgrade! I love my phone, and I am so excited to get the new version in about 3 weeks!

It is so fun to have this to look forward to! It so cool, and I know I will love it!

Be Grateful

I have come to conclusion that I need to be more grateful, and I need to express it.

Even though I do not have the things that I want and some of the things that I need, I know that I have been blessed with many amazing things, and that if I continue to improve myself and be the best that I can be that I will be blessed with everything at the right time.

I read an article yesterday about being a grateful person and making sure that you express it. I need to be better at being grateful to what I have been blessed with. I have a tendency to focus on the things that I want but don't have instead of the things that help me through these hard times. Even though I do not have the person that I want in my life, I am so very grateful for the people that I do have. And I need to make sure that they know I am grateful for them!

My goal is to try and be better at recognizing what I have and working toward what I want without dwelling on what I don't have.

I know that this will be hard, and I will still need to be mad sometimes, and vent, but I hope that this will make me a better person, and bring the blessings that I want more than anything in the world.

Making everything ok...

This has been a very hard weekend for me, for many reasons...

I have to find a way to make everything ok, because right now, with things the way they are it is not ok.

But now I want to list some of the things that made this weekend a little easier-

Mom and Dad- even though they are far away, it is so great to have parents that I can call and cry and vent to, they listen, they cry with me, and they support me and my decisions in all that I do, and I am so grateful to them for that.

I am grateful for Mom, who will agree with me and get mad with me at whoever it is that is hurting me, sometimes you just need someone who will call them a jerk with you haha. She is always good at that and I love her!

I am grateful for dad, he is so good at just letting me vent, he listens and he agrees and he doesn't try to fix things, he is just such a good listener. We have taught him well haha. I love him!

I am grateful for my very good friend Brittney- she is also very good at letting me vent, it is so wonderful to have a friend who knows what is going on in my life and is there when I need it. I know how busy she is with wedding plans and other things in life, but she is always willing to listen a little when I need her. I love her!

And I am grateful to her and Zack and Courtney coming to church with me, I know that it is hard for Brittney and Zack to switch between wards every other week, but it helps me more than I think they understand. That is 3 hours that I don't have to spend alone, 3 hours that I get to feel like things are going to be ok because I don't feel so lonely. When they are not there I sit alone, I try not to, I try to be brave and sit by cute guys, or talk to new people, but most of the time it just doesn't work, and I sit alone. So thank you to you guys for coming with me, especially this weekend, I needed it.

I don't know how or when everything is going to be ok, I don't know what I can do to make things change, to find that one person who can make the difference. I just don't know how to do it. If you have any ideas let me know haha. But I have faith that it will happen, that someday things are going to change, that they will be ok. That faith is being weakened however, I am doing anything that I can to keep it strong and keep it going.

I just don't think I can take anymore...

But there are still things, and especially people who I am grateful for, and I am trying to focus on that. :)

I hate that!

Just a quick thought- That may or may not be related to an experience from today haha ;)-

I hate it when I see a cute guy somewhere random like the grocery store, and you look at each other as you pass, you both smile, and you know you are both thinking the same thing- CUTE! :)- but you have no way to approach them or anything and you both just keep walking thinking.. Dang it!

I just hate that! Although it is fun too! ;)

Somewhere to share!

Here is somewhere that I can share a little about my life and what I am up too. :) Life is a little crazy right now, but it is good too. I have switched to full time at work which is really gonna take some getting used to haha, 11 hour days are really long when you are used to 5-6 hours. But it is so good that this opportunity came up so that I can earn more money while I wait for things to work out with my program at school.

Living alone is an interesting change for me, some parts of it I really like and other things are not so fun. But one part that I actually really like is the cooking, it has been so fun to try new recipes and experiment, I am learning a lot! As my friends are well aware I have fallen in LOVE with the freezer haha, I love to find things that I can make in larger quantities and freeze ahead of time so that they are quick and easy to make. It is really fun, and great practice for the future, it makes life so much easier! And I will share the good recipes here for anyone that is interested! :)

PS- So You Think You Can Dance starts tonight, I am so excited! Best show ever! :)