Making everything ok...

This has been a very hard weekend for me, for many reasons...

I have to find a way to make everything ok, because right now, with things the way they are it is not ok.

But now I want to list some of the things that made this weekend a little easier-

Mom and Dad- even though they are far away, it is so great to have parents that I can call and cry and vent to, they listen, they cry with me, and they support me and my decisions in all that I do, and I am so grateful to them for that.

I am grateful for Mom, who will agree with me and get mad with me at whoever it is that is hurting me, sometimes you just need someone who will call them a jerk with you haha. She is always good at that and I love her!

I am grateful for dad, he is so good at just letting me vent, he listens and he agrees and he doesn't try to fix things, he is just such a good listener. We have taught him well haha. I love him!

I am grateful for my very good friend Brittney- she is also very good at letting me vent, it is so wonderful to have a friend who knows what is going on in my life and is there when I need it. I know how busy she is with wedding plans and other things in life, but she is always willing to listen a little when I need her. I love her!

And I am grateful to her and Zack and Courtney coming to church with me, I know that it is hard for Brittney and Zack to switch between wards every other week, but it helps me more than I think they understand. That is 3 hours that I don't have to spend alone, 3 hours that I get to feel like things are going to be ok because I don't feel so lonely. When they are not there I sit alone, I try not to, I try to be brave and sit by cute guys, or talk to new people, but most of the time it just doesn't work, and I sit alone. So thank you to you guys for coming with me, especially this weekend, I needed it.

I don't know how or when everything is going to be ok, I don't know what I can do to make things change, to find that one person who can make the difference. I just don't know how to do it. If you have any ideas let me know haha. But I have faith that it will happen, that someday things are going to change, that they will be ok. That faith is being weakened however, I am doing anything that I can to keep it strong and keep it going.

I just don't think I can take anymore...

But there are still things, and especially people who I am grateful for, and I am trying to focus on that. :)